REAL AMERICA—While liberal media outlets have spent countless inches on the prevalent shaming of overweight women in pop culture and beyond, a swath of American women suffer from reverse discrimination on the weight spectrum. Commonly recognized as ’thin shaming,’ these incidents of antagonism have gone from a casually accepted reactionary trend to borderline abuse of civil rights.

“I never felt like a prisoner in my own body until I left New York,” said ‘Lucy,’ a woman who demanded to remain anonymous for her own safety. “It’s like, why are there so many Size 14s on the racks everywhere I shop? I shouldn’t have to go online for size 4s! What happened to equality in this country?”

The treatment Lucy has endured in the workplace for being born with a genetic predisposition to eating whatever she wants with impunity has escalated in recent months, she says. “It used to be good-natured, the teasing, I thought,” Lucy continued, “after all, fatties have every reason to hate themselves, so I figured it was only right to let them get their shots in. But now I’m getting ‘accidentally’ bumped out of the way in the Xerox room, and sometimes I find that my sack lunch in the refrigerator has been squished. That kind of accident doesn’t happen 3 days in a row.” Her voice quivering, Lucy neared tears. “I just don’t know what to do. If I try to find another job, I’ll only get rejected by some new fat woman across the desk. Or worse, I’ll get hired by a man with good taste and then get hated on all over again.”

While Lucy has clearly feels the stress of being skinny in a part of the country where it is unpopular to be, other women have taken advantage of the body mass parity. One such woman, western Pennsylvania native Pepper Smith, says she uses trips back home to restore her self-confidence. “In LA, with all them super skinny wannabe actresses, you would think I was a stand-in for Mike and Molly. But when I go back home for the holidays, being a size 10 is like stepping off the pages of Victoria’s Secret. The miserable married-to-manatees guys everywhere I go can’t stop checking me out. It’s great.”

Alas, not everyone has been able to turn this discrimination on its head. Clandestine women’s groups all over the country have begun to gather and discuss solutions for how to deal with the scourge of thin shaming, as its impact has begun to devastate their lives. “We shouldn’t have to use a fat voice over the phone to get good customer service, nor should we have to ‘pork up’ to be accepted by people who were our friends in high school but have since ballooned into salty bags o’ donuts,” urged ‘Mia Mia,’ the leader of Calorica, an Illinois-based group of women who have simply had enough. “It’s not a popular cause, we know,” she told Marz Media, “but we’re people, too. And sure, most women out there could sit on us and end this whole conflict, but they’ll have to catch us first.”

Healthy women are urged not to engage with antagonistic plus-sized women, lest you risk bodily harm from which no one will protect you. Calorica advises that in this liberal, politically correct climate, “fatties have the sympathetic upper hand, and it will be unlikely that your case of harassment will see the light of day, both literally and figuratively…’cause big girls are big…and they can do that…block out a lot of light. Fatties.” Still, Mia Mia is steadfast in her efforts toward the healthy women’s revolution. “There may be more of them in every way, but I promise you that we will be the last ones standing. Seriously. They have to sit down, like, all the time.”