Father of 2 Surrenders, Buys Fanny Pack

ORLANDO, FL—The self-proclaimed League of Cool Dads is a league of 1 with the excommunication of one of its founders during the annual Joint Family Vacation at Disney World. The ousting came in response to Gil Benitez’s violation of Cool Dad Rule #2: No Fanny Packs. Ever.

Fanny_Waist_Pack_3“They’ll do what they gotta do, and so will I,” said Benitez, 36, as he methodically displayed his waist-worn pouch. “Look at these compartments,” he continued. “I can’t tell you how convenient this thing has been.” Benitez was gracious enough to talk to reporters with the free time he had while his wife took their son and daughter on rides (for which he had just handed them the tickets from the fifth pocket, also called ‘the Pocket of Fun’).

LCD co-founder Jesse Barnes, 34, could barely contain his outrage, albeit betrayed by the cartoonishly large sunglasses on his face. “The code is clear, and he should have known better.” Barnes continued while his 3-year-old daughter put cat makeup on him. “H-E-double L, Gil was the one showed me that SUVs were the man’s minivan. I don’t even know this Gil.”

Benitez, on the other hand, sees the convenience of his new accessory as a path to even cooler dad status. “You see Jesse over there? I used to wish I had my dad around all the time like we are, but that s___ is exhausting. With this thing, I’ve cut down on getting yelled at by my wife by 75%, and all because I know where everything is. This seems like a cooler club to me.”

When asked whether he would consider amending the cool dad code to preserve his friendship with Gil, Jesse was unable to respond; he was that game where you apparently have to answer “Why?” a thousands times.

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