ORLANDO, FL—Following their 27th consecutive win, the Miami Heat celebrated beating the Magic with a disinterested sigh as they jogged back to the visiting locker room, not a drop of sweat among them. Before reaching the bus, star forward LeBron James admitted that in order for his team to stay hungry, they will have to adjust the difficulty level at which they’ve been playing.
“We thought since this is a league of pros, ‘Pro’ level would be enough,” LeBron said, surprisingly energetic considering he was just 1 rebound shy of a triple-double. “But if we’re bored, I know the fans are bored, so we’ll just have to make the crank up the settings.”
Dwyane Wade, who sat this game out, agreed that tweaking the level is the only solution. “People think I’m injured, but we’re just trying to keep the game interesting. We didn’t want it to come to this, but we have no choice now. Them sliders got to move.” Wade then engaged in a raucous contest with Mario Chalmers over whose suit was more ridiculous. They both won.
Chris Bosh, however, was uncharacteristically ornery after coming 1 win closer to matching the record of 33 wins in a row set by the 1971-72 Los Angeles Lakers. “No need for guys to shower when we don’t even break a sweat! Us guys to shower! We need to make this harder.” Reporters on the scene silently agreed to assume Bosh was referring to the challenge of the games.
The Heat’s next game, on Wednesday against the Chicago Bulls, looks to be the first big test of whether escalating from ‘Pro’ to ‘Hall of Fame’ level was worth jeopardizing their chance at history. When asked whether he was worried about the change, head coach Erik Spoelstra replied, with his trademark steely resolve, “It’s tough to feel anything when you’re a hologram.”