NEW YORK, NY—Ever quick to ride the momentum of proven success, the television executives at Fox News headquarters were busy all weekend drafting paperwork to woo and secure the broadcast rights to the empty chair Clint Eastwood spent his 12-minute speech talking to during the Republican National Convention in Tampa, Florida. Then depicting an invisible version of President Barack Obama, Fox News sees in the chair potential far beyond that role.
“After the first 30 seconds, we knew that chair was a star,” said Tyler Brownbee from the Fox News development team. “His poise in contrast to the rambling of a barely cogent old man is just what the channel needs.”
Fox & Friends host Gretchen Carlson was elated about the news of the channel’s latest acquisition: “Finally! Maybe now we can get a quality fill-in for Brian [Kilmeade] ever now and then.”
Sources have all but confirmed a series called Hi, Chair!, in which the inanimate object tours the country as “real” Americans take turns airing their grievances to it. Human guests on the show may address any invisible figure they like, or simply the empty chair should the symbolism be appropriate and available to the intellect. And while Fox News alleges to being “fair and balanced,” the likelihood is that Hi, Chair! will host a wide array of liberal figures and issues about which hard-working Christians can share their God-given opinions.
Chair is scheduled to appear on The O’Reilly Factor to promote its new series, and host Bill O’Reilly has not been quiet about this excitement. “This really is an awesome opportunity,” said O’Reilly, “I’ve spent years changing arguments mid-conversation just to shout people down who may or may not have the intellectual capacity to stop me in my tracks. But with Chair, which is an instant star, bee tee dubs, it’s like I have the run of the store. I hope I get to have it on every week. I’ll even do it live.”
Chair was unable to comment on its new deal, but Fox News announced that its contract is for three months with the option of a 4-year extension, pending the results of the 2012 Presidential Election.