NBA Approves Symbols In Lieu Of Jersey Numbers

These banners will look less like a Bingo card once a future hall of famer gets his "!!" jersey retired.

BOSTON—As the NBA playoffs heat up, Boston Celtics President of Basketball Operations Danny Ainge is keeping things interesting off the court with the passing of his latest petition to league Commissioner David Stern. Starting next season, Stern will allow symbols to be used in place of jersey numbers.

With a league record 21 retired jerseys hanging from the rafters, the Celtics are on pace to run out of jersey numbers within the next 20 years. Ainge’s petition adds one more groundbreaking achievement to the annals of the NBA’s most storied franchise.

Not to be outdone by the Brooklyn Nets’ unveiling of their new colors and logo this week, and perhaps to distract people from Celtics guard Rajon Rondo’s recent suspension, Ainge called this rule change “the best news since the return of Arrested Development. Hash tag: love that show.”

“We’re in the digital age, you know,” said Ainge continued, looking up from his iPad. “The Celtics organization is steeped in tradition, but that prestige has not come without some significant paradigm shifts, starting all the way back with Bill Russell. I mean he was black before it was cool. We just want to continue to build upon that reputation while staying ahead of the times FTW. Hash tag: wicked awesome green team.”

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