Players Find Strange Bedfellow in Senate During NBA Lockout

Cornyn's pointing the finger at Stern and the owners. Go figure.

WASHINGTON, DC—Several days since NBA Commissioner David Stern locked players out of league operations, the National Basketball Players Association has remained steadfast in their quest to have their demands met in the yet-to-be-resolved collective bargaining agreement.

NBA insiders and fans have already expressed concerns about whether this work stoppage will eliminate any chance of having a 2011-2012 season. But a show of support by a US Congressman suggests that Stern and the league owners will have a tougher uphill battle than they had anticipated.

“These men have every right to stand up and fight for their right to be obscenely overpaid. If it’s right for Wall Street, it’s right for 125th Street,” said Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) of the NBPA’s position in the dispute.

In this situation, Cronyn’s history (such as voting for corporate bailouts in 2008) seemed to be more in line with the interest of league owners, who aim to shift the revenue sharing more in their favor to keep their teams liquid in this struggling economy. Cronyn’s ironic turn has therefore led some to believe that his advocacy of the NBPA might be merely a political tactic.

“This isn’t about black or white,” Cornyn continued. “It’s about red, white, blue, and green. And these colors should run from no American. Besides, some of my favorite people are blacksketball players.”

"See, what had happened was, our agents crippled teams by demanding ridiculous amounts of money...and now, like, you need to just live with that and keep bleeding money so that we can keep our 6 cars each. We paid to play ball and, therefore, accustomed TO ball. Take it or leave it."

Cornyn’s flub could be an accidental admission that his endorsement of the NBPA is nothing more than a public relations strategy to ingratiate the GOP to the predominantly black league and, in turn, all black people. And since NBA players’ total earnings reach the billions every year, they could potentially represent the interests of fiscal conservatives if the lockout ends on their terms.

This strategic theory is supported by the presence of 4 NBA teams in the state of Texas, representing millions of dollars in disposable income that can only help stimulate the state economy. In this scenario, Cornyn understands that wealthy owners know how to stay rich, whereas NBA players often live extravagantly and, still somehow, beyond their very fortunate means.

Off the record, Cornyn was overheard saying to his aide, “Of course this is the side to be on! Have you seen how these idiots spend? Let’s get them their money so they can give it right the hell back to us! America…F___ YEAH!!!”

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