WASHINGTON, D.C.—Sunday night was a banner moment for Americans all across the country, as they celebrated the death of terrorist leader Osama bin Laden. Ending nearly 10 years of pursuit by the US military, the roar of elation could be heard everywhere.
But on Monday, the honeymoon was over. What seemed to be the linchpin for President Obama’s reelection has backfired overnight, as the American people shared their disappointment with the immediate impact of the recent strike against terrorism.
Ending their weekends on a high note, Americans returned to work on Monday only to find out that President Obama once again reneged on the change that he promised.
“I shouldn’t still have to get a body scan or take off my damn shoes!” said Meryl Brookings, an executive who travels for business 4 days a week. TSA employees detained her for causing a disturbance at Ronald Reagan Airport when she refused to follow the screening procedures that were put in place after September 11, 2001.
“How are we not past this? This is officially post-terror America!” Brookings shouted as she was being handcuffed. Before she was escorted into the detention area, she began a chant that caught on throughout the screening line. TSA employees had to call in the National Guard to calm the irate crowd shouting ‘Ba-rack lies.’
But the anti-Obama sentiment wasn’t only heavy in airports. A full-scale riot broke out at the Sunoco station of the Moll Pitcher Rest Area off the New Jersey Turnpike Monday morning. Apparently interstate motorists were upset that gas prices were still upwards of 4 dollars per gallon, even after the monumental strike against terrorism.
“What the s___ is this?” Cam Dillman kept yelling at Dean, the pump attendant, who urged Cam to get back into his car. Tensions flared out of control, however, when Dean was hit in the back of the head with an airborne squeegee brush.
The chaos spread into the rest area itself, with Roy Rogers management already claiming thousands of dollars in damages and property losses property losses. “Obama is to blame for this,” said Roy Rogers assistant manager Charles Hough. “Bush would have never let all these bacon cheeseburgers get stolen.”
Obama’s approval hasn’t just slipped among workaday Americans, however. Conservatives in Washington have taken their criticism of the President into overdrive after what they are calling ‘a new inconvenient truth.’
Republican Newt Gingrich shared his disappointment this morning: “Our President [Bush] told us, in no uncertain terms, that when Osama bin Laden was captured and killed, the spell would be broken and all of world’s Muslims would become Christians instantly. Either President Bush was lying to us, or Obama hasn’t found the master Muslim yet, and I think we know which one is most likely. This is a typical Democratic failure to deliver on a promise, and enough is enough.”
Congressman Paul Ryan quickly abandoned his proposed budget plan after hearing Gingrich’s implied conjecture. “Now that we know that the master Muslim is still out there, still drinking people’s blood, and hiding in caves during the day, we must pool our resources and make defense spending a priority.”
When asked about an exact dollar amount that would finance this anti-terrorist surge, Ryan replied, “Upwards of 40 bazillion. We should sell the entire country to China if we have to. But somehow we have to slay this dragon before Obama does any more damage.”