Opening Friday, September 3

Machete

Robert Rodriguez has confirmed that the only bright spot in an otherwise miserable summer is its action movies. Although The Expendables is in a class all by itself, Rodriguez has satisfied his own wouldn’-it-be-cool-if’s by turning one of his Grindhouse trailers into a full-length feature.

Consistent with the movie writ large, the cast is refreshingly absurd, as it includes Robert DeNiro, Don Johnson, Steven Seagal and Lindsay Lohan. Lohan is on my list of people who will turn me away from seeing a movie. But now I know that a condition under which I’ll make an exception involves consummate badass Danny Trejo, the resurgent Jeff Fahey, explosions and other attractive women to pay attention to.

Thank you in advance, Robert Rodriguez. I don’t believe that there is anything that you’ve done that I’ve strongly disliked. And you always infuse at least some fun into your projects. I know you won’t let your fans down with Machete. And no matter what other people tell you, it’s a good thing that you decided to make Machete into a movie instead of DON’T! Anyone who says otherwise is just plum silly.