Real American Vampire League Done With “True Blood”

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON—The third season of the hit HBO drama True Blood just lost one of its strongest supporters, the American Vampire League (AVL). Nan Flanagan, President of the AVL, has rescinded the organization’s endorsement of the program, citing displeasure with the direction the show has taken since this summer.

“After careful consideration,” Flanagan said, “the AVL can no longer support the True Blood series. This third season is a clear indication that continuing a compelling narrative is no longer a concern.”

Since Flanagan’s statement, rumors have surfaced, alleging that Flanagan expressed similar sentiments on the True Blood set while filming her cameo appearances for this season. An anonymous production assistant claims that Flanagan flew into a rage (literally) when she learned that True Blood creator Alan Ball was not present during filming.

It is wise to trust the opinion of a vampire, especially one that doesn't look a day over 200.

“No wonder it seems like this season’s being phoned in, “Flanagan reportedly said, “it’s been left in the hands of second-rate soap opera writers and first-year-out film students!” Flanagan then released the assistant director of photography she had pinned to the wall by his neck and stormed off.

A kinder, gentler Flanagan articulated similar opinions later in her statement to the press:

“It is our opinion that the writers and directors of this series are now running on what I can only call the resin of interest for characters that have simply run out of things to do. Instead of focusing on story arcs that might be interesting and worth the audience’s investment, the creators have taken a checklist approach, identifying which fair citizens of Bon Temps and beyond haven’t been seen in a while, and then making them do something regardless of whether the audience has built up an interest from the events previous. In short, as the young humans would say, this season is an epic fail.”

The irony of this ad rivals SEPTA's slogan, "We're Getting There."

Flanagan went on to vow that the AVL’s involvement with the show would cease immediately after this season since there may be footage of the AVL Alan Ball is allowed to incorporate into the season finale on September 12th. “I don’t see how they would even fit us into that episode,” Flanagan said to an aide waiting for her at the bottom of the stage with a dazed human girl. “But with this freak show Ball’s got, anything’s possible. I mean, fairies? Fanger, please…oooOOOooo. Nice find, Horace. Thank you.”

Flanagan then retreated into her limousine with the girl, supposedly to a meeting about selling her shares to the True Blood beverage company.

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