Universal Backpedals From Controversial 3-D Project

Some things will ALWAYS be 'too soon.'

UNIVERSAL CITY, CA—Following the trend of cashing in on 3-D technology wherever possible to increase ticket revenue, Universal Pictures may have gone too far. For the past few days, company spokespeople have been deflecting questions about a leaked proposal to bring Schindler’s List back to theaters in 3-D for the film’s 20th anniversary in 2013.

Jews in Hollywood have lashed out in force to demand the halting of the insensitive concept, but the studio maintains that the idea was never seriously being considered. Ira Tugoff, a spokesman for Universal Pictures, issued a statement in Variety refuting claims that Schindler’s List 3-D was ever in the works:

“We want to assure everyone in the industry that Universal has no plans to re-release Schindler’s List in 3-D. Not only would it be an affront to our loyal Jewish audience, but it would also be an underhanded tactic to boost revenue, and that’s just not what we’re about.”

Tugoff then went on to explain how the rumor started, blaming an entry-level Universal employee in the Development department:

“We’ve already addressed the issue of the overzealous employee who leaked the idea as ours. In the competitive world of show business, some people are willing to imperil the future of an entire company just to make a name for themselves. He has since been terminated, as, again, that is not what we’re about.”

This focus group really says it all.

With the announcement came a response from the employee in question. Blaine Greene, under his Internet alias ‘Da Pitch Pimp,’ blasted Universal Pictures on his blog:

“They put you in a room, shoot down all of your ideas that might have a shred of originality, and then when you come up with an idea that pushes the envelope, but still recycles what people have already seen (which is what they always want!), they give you an awesome gift card to In-N-Out Burger. You feel like you’re really moving up in the world. And then, when they find out that your idea was a bit too risky when they bring it to the big bosses, the s___ rolls downhill, as they say…I just want to go on record to say that I didn’t leak this idea; THEY did! I kept it to myself while they sprinkled it around town to see what the rich Hollyweirdos would think about it. And when it upset some people, they through me under the bus (or train, in this case). Well Hollywood hasn’t heard the last of Blaine Greene. Universal will RUE THE DAY!”

Since that angry blog post, Greene has also updated it with what he alleges is an email from a superior at Universal, applauding his idea for the Schindler’s List update. An excerpt from that email reads:

“At last, an idea with some legs! We agree that such a classic should be introduced to a generation so detached from history that it needs the trappings of today’s technology to engage it…it’s out-of-the-box thinking like this that we look for in Universalites. It’s totally what we’re about. Keep up the good work, kid.”

Tugoff denies that any such email was sent by anyone of influence at Universal Pictures, saying the message was “obviously doctored up with some of that newfangled technology that the kid was trying to muck up history with in the first place.  We’ve got half a mind to throw him in an ov-sorry. I’ve got to run.”

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