“Jonah Hex:” The PG-13 movie I’m not allowed to see

Opening Friday, June 18

Jonah Hex

The makers of “Jonah Hex” have made it absolutely clear that they do not want me to see this movie by hiring Megan Fox to play Lilah the courtesan (admittedly not a stretch for the walking STD of movies). Not only did they bring in one of my Hollywood deal-breakers, but they did it for a role that doesn’t even exist in the comic from which the movie is adapted! That’s like telling your children that there’ll be a special treat when they go to see Santa Claus at the mall, and then Santa runs them over in the raffle car by the entrance.

So I’m calling on the readers of Marz Daily Media (the ones who plan on seeing “Jonah Hex,” anyway) to confirm for me that Megan Fox ruined “Jonah Hex” in the same way that should would have ruined “The Transformers” if it hadn’t already been a steaming pile of twisted metal dookie.

Will Arnett and John Malkovich should have been enough to tip the scales for me, but my conviction for this moratorium on seeing Megan Fox movies is quite strong. Watch the trailer below if you’re wondering what I’m so fired up about. A good weekend to you all.

2 Comments

  1. “A steaming pile of metal dookie” Classic. Also, why am i more offended by Megan Fox than by, say, Denise Richards? They filled the same cultural role (namely large-racked, no-talent, dumb guy/teen revenue extractor) but nobody has inspired the same disgust as the allegedly toothsome Fox.

  2. The difference may be that filmmakers rarely (if ever) tried to pass Denise Richards off as someone likable. Back then, they kept these bimbos in their place…their collective, rightfully repugnant place.

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