NBA analysts who said that the Lakers didn’t show up to Boston, after watching L.A.’s third loss to the Celtics Sunday night, may have been more correct than they thought. Hollywood insiders are reporting that several Laker players hired stunt doubles to play in Games 3, 4 and 5 at the TD Garden.
Although no talent agencies have come forward to confirm representing any replacement players, copies of recently posted casting breakdowns may shed light on which players might have decided to send weaker versions of themselves to Boston:
6’10” African-American male, versatile, must play with no heart. Think Mr. Kardashian.
6’7” African-American, reformed loose cannon approaching the end of his career, but still a ‘Tru Warier’
African-American 7-footer, must be able to limp through a game but still make enough of a contribution for commentators to imagine how good you would be if healthy
Skinny, Caucasian 7-footer, must have European grooming (read: none) and the ability to disappear for entire quarters of play
Lamar Odom, Ron Artest, Andrew Bynum and Pau Gasol have all denied that they sent proxies to Boston, but a tweet from one of their teammates hints at the contrary:
@BigBeng28: Lets see if da Mamba can do it alone lolz!
The world will find out if the real will Lakers return tonight at 9pm Eastern, when the NBA Finals resume with Game 6 at the Staples Center, on ABC. But if the Lakers even the series at three games apiece, fans and analysts will still wonder if Games 3, 4 and 5 were the Lakers’ version of the Boston Tea Party, in which they posed as the Western Conference Champions and dumped their chance for glory into the harbor. Tune in to find out.
“You idiots! These are not them! You’ve captured their stunt doubles!”